you would pick up someone in the library
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize