i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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