Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just had sex bonerless
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
