Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
