i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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