We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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