The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When are your genitals available?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize