So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
