True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
