I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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