someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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