dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
