just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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