her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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