She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
