my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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