wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
