oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
