Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
