somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
