I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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