im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
