suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
