false alarm. still invincible.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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