Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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