Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it because I queefed?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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