I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
