I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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