You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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