OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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