So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
