the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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