whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
