There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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