I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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