her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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