I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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