I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love having hate sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
