did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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