Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
