Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
