I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
its liver damage thursday
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
