This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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