Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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