new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
