dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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