If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
