so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
