i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
