There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
