I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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