no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
