You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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