i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
