can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
