I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
