remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
