i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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