I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
