6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
