i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i've created a new STD.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
