her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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