I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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