Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
