Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
