omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
