Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
